Veggie Tales
by Kami1
Summary: What happens when Vegeta is forced to tell a bedtime story to Trunks and Goten? What's this Bakayaro Kakkarot and the Beanstalk! please R
1. Bakayaro Kakkarot and The Beanstalk

Disclaimer: I don't own anything! Got it!  
  
  
  
Bakayaro Kakkarot and The Beanstalk  
  
  
  
"Dad! Me and Goten need a bed time story, or else we can't go to sleep!"  
  
Vegeta mumbled something about baka onnas who force their mates to babysit their brats and came in with an intimidating growl. So do you want to hear about the Sayajin race again, or maybe I should tell you about the great Vegeta again."  
  
"No Mr. Vegeta! Me and Trunks want a new story. Lookee at this. I got a new book from my mom. It's called Fairy Tales for Young Children. Can you read us a story from here Mr. Vegeta. Pleeeeease."  
  
As Vegeta looked through the book, the first story that caught his eye was called Jack and the Beanstalk. "Fine brats! I will tell you the story of Bakayaro Kakkarot and the Beanstalk. It goes like this:  
  
  
Once upon a time there was a baka idiot named Kakkarot who had a mother that sent him to town to sell a useless blue haired wench named Bulma to a slave dealer because she wasthe worst cook ever and since Kakkarot was such an idiot he could not get any money. So Baka Kakkarot went to town with the blue haired wench, but couldn't sell her because she was fat and completely useless for everything. Eventually he found a handsome, brave warrior named Vegeta who took pity on him and bought the wench for a bean which was far more then she was worth, but he was feeling nice.  
  
Baka Kakkarot got home and decided to plant the bean in the ground. In the morning there was a large beanstalk in the front yard that he decided to climb, but he was very weak so he couldn't get up. He called his magical cloud to help him, but he couldn't get on it because he was such a weak bakayaro idiot that it didn't want to be his anymore.  
  
After a few weeks Baka Kakkarot made it to the top. At the top was a sign that said Prince Vegeta's Castle. Do not enter under punishment of death. Unfortunately Baka Kakkarot was such an idiot that he couldn't read so he went into the castle. Inside he saw alot of incredible things because Prince Vegeta was the richest, smartest, most powerful warrior in the universe.   
  
He decided that he would steal the great Prince Vegeta's things because he was a baka idiot who couldn't ever compare to Vegeta in any way. He decided to steal Vegeta's gravity chamber which was made by one of Vegeta's weakling, bakayaro, human, slave women who he had mercifully allowed to live as long as she bowed down to him and prayed for forgiveness whenever she did something wrong which was always.  
  
Kakkarot was cowardly sneaking away when Prince Vegeta noticed him, but instead of fighting he ran away from Vegeta's incredible power because he was a cowardly weakling.  
  
He went down the beanstalk as fast as he could and cut it down, but Vegeta could fly, so he just flew down and chopped up Bakayaro Kakkarot into a billion little pieces that he fed to his pet dog Yamcha for breakfast and Prince Vegeta lived happily ever after. The End.  
  
  
  
  
"M-Mr. Vegeta that story was r-really sc-scary. Did Kakkarot really get eaten by Yamcha and did he really get chopped into a billion p-p-pieces?"  
  
"Of course, but I can see your not yet asleep, but don't worry. I know lots of other good stories. How about... oh here's a good on. Let's read Sleeping Horror. It's about a woman named Bulma who...  
  
  
  
  
to be continued, if people think it's any good. 


	2. Sleeping Horror

Disclaimer: I do not own *&%$! Understood !?!  
  
  
  
  
  
Sleeping Horror  
  
  
Sleeping Horror is the story of a baka woman named Bulma. Her mother was such a bakayaro airhead that she couldn't figure out how to get a baby. She would continually going to stores looking to buy a baby, but none of them ever had any in stock.  
  
"Mr. Vegeta. W-w-were me and Trunks bought at a store too?"  
  
"No! You are to stupid to be anything, but the spawn of that baka idiot Kakkarot and I Prince of the Sayajins would never sttop so low as to get a child at a store. Now shut up you baka and let me continue the story.  
  
So eventually the bakayaro idiot woman was on the verge of giving up, so she went to her fairy godmother, The Ox King. He directed her to summon the defenders of the land to bring her a baby with each of their greatest talents. So she did. She summoned them and they brought her a blue haired baby girl. Each of the defenders walked up in their combat suits. Bakayaro Kakkarot came up in a fluffy pink fairy suit and made her a baka idiot like him. Then Krillin came to give her his ugliness. Next came Yajirobe. Who made her the fattest woman ever. Each defender went one after the other in a fluffy pink fairy suit to bestow their greatest gift on the child. Even Piccolo came in the fluffy pink fairy suit to her his complexion, but they'd forgotten one of the defenders, Chi Chi. She came in and her bakayaro %$#*&@$ banshee voice was so %$#*&@$ loud that the baby decided to take a nap for the next century, hoping the voice would be gone by then.  
  
"Mr. Vegeta. What's %$#*&@$ mean?  
  
"Ask that banshee mother of yours baka!" Vegeta said with an evil smirk. "Hahahaha," he thought. "That bakayaro banshee woman will think Kakkarot told him that word and I will finally have my revenge. Muwahahahahah!!!!!"  
  
Fortunately, 100 years later a valiant, brave, handsome, smart, courageous, powerful, invincible... goes on for next 5 minutes complimenting himself... warrior prince named Vegeta arrived on their planet. He decided that before he could rule all the baka humans on that planet he would have to defeat the defenders. So the defenders came to fight him in their fluffy pink combat suits and because they were such a bunch of cowardly baka weaklings they all attacked at the same time, but Vegeta was just to strong. He defeated Scar Face, Baldy, Clown Face and the Green Man with one blow and then with a single kick sent 6 eyes to the next dimension.  
  
"Trunks. Who's 6 eyes?"  
  
"Oh that's just what my dad has been calling Tien since he got glasses."  
  
"Oh! Okay."  
  
Finally, only the greatest warrior of Earth remained. He was Kakkarot. "Hahahaha," he said. "I will beat you and save the planet for all the people, animals, plants, inse-" "Oh just shut up," Vegeta said, blasting Kakkarot into the next dimension with one finger.  
  
After conquering the entire planet and killing that baka idiot Hercule, Vegeta finally came across the sleeping horror. If he was not such a great, noble, charming, pitying, forgiving... goes on for another 5 minutes bragging... ruler of the universe he would have left the ugly, stupid, fat baka to die, but he took pity on her.  
  
"Wait a second dad. I thought Vegeta was only a warrior prince?"  
  
"No. When he slaughtered that weakling baka Kakkarot he became the ruler of the universe too."  
  
"Oh! That's cool."  
  
So Bulma became Vegeta's personal slave forever. The End.  
  
"Wow dad that story was really cool!"  
  
"I don't know Trunks. I don't think your dad's telling the truth and your mom's not fat, ugly, or stupid."  
  
"Come now brats. Would I lie? Now that that's settled, it's on to the next story. Here we are. We're going to be reading Little Cell Riding Hood and the Big Bad Vegeta. It goes something like this...  
  
  
  
to be continued... 


	3. Little Cell Riding Hood

Cell: I am not going through with this!  
  
Vegeta: Silence you baka! This is my story, so I make the rules!  
  
Cell: Then I'll simply ki blast you. Kame ha me...  
  
Vegeta charging up to ascended SSJ: Sorry Cell, but I've gotten a bit stronger. Big Bang Attack!  
  
Cell, smoking, armless and having just had his ass handed to him by the Prince of all Sayajins: Fine. I'll be in your stupid story you baka!  
  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ and anyone who sues me will have my pet Vegeta to deal with.  
  
Vegeta: I'm not your silly pet baka!  
  
Kami, typing up the next line: Oh ya!   
  
Vegeta in dog suit: Ruff! Ruff!  
  
  
  
  
Little Cell Riding Hood and the Big Bad Vegeta  
  
  
  
Once upon a time there was a little bakayaro weakling named Little Cell Riding Hood who had a ditzy, baka, airhead, blond mother named Mrs. Breifs. One day Mrs. Breifs decided to send Cell to see his grandmother, Bakayaro Freeza.  
  
  
"Mr. Vegeta. Wasn't Freeza a guy?"  
  
"You couldn't tell by hearing him baka and he was as cowardly as some baka woman so I think the bakayaro's better female and it's my story so shut up baka youngest spawn of Kakkarot! Now then, let's get back to the story."  
  
  
"Goodbye Cell-chan," the woman said as she sent Little Cell Riding Hood on his way, but unbeknownst to them the most handsome, charming, powerful and ingenious warrior had heard their conversation and had decided to steal the senzus that Cell was bringing to the sick old hag.  
  
As Cell merrily skipped through the woods (lol can you even imagine Cell doing that), he was confronted by the great warrior.  
  
  
"What great warrior, Mr. Vegeta?"  
  
"Vegeta, of course, you baka! Anyway..."  
  
  
The powerful warrior knew that Cell didn't stand a chance against his supremely, incredibly, enormously, impossibly powerful attacks, but Cell didn't understand this, or else he would have run away like the bakayaro coward he was, but he had one final plan. He called his hero, Bakayaro Hercule, but Hercule was no match for Vegeta and was ki blasted into the next dimension, still laughing like a baka about how strong he was. Vegeta ki blasted the weakling baka Cell into the next dimension, as Cell cowered like a baka weakling and stole the senzu beans. Everyone would have lived happily ever after if Bakayaro Kakkarot had not decided then to show up with his sidekick Scarface and Scarface's baka girlfriend, the the bakayaro idiot woman.  
  
Vegeta had no choice but to easily defeat Scarface and Kakkarot, but on seeing Vegeta's manly strength, the bakayaro idiot woman chose to abandon Scarface and become Vegeta's slave and mate. Bakayaro Kakkarot also chose to become Vegeta's slave after seeing his powers, but then Bakayaro weakling coward, Freeza appeared. He joined forces with Scarface to have revenge on Vegeta, but since they were both bakayaro weaklings, Vegeta easily beat the crap out of them and to this day they both still have important roles. Freeza acts as Vegeta's punching bag, while Yamcha is in charge of licking his boots to maintain their cleanliness and Kakkarot's duties consist of telling Vegeta how much stronger than him he is and bowing down to Vegeta whenever he sees him. The Bakayaro idiot woman also has an important role she is in charge of facilitating sexual arou- mmmmmnnnmmm! I'm going to kill you brat!  
  
  
"But Goten's mom said he isn't supposed to hear about that stuff and-"  
  
"Shut up brat! For that, both you and Goten will spend 2 hours in the gravity room with me, starting now!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
When they get back I'm sure Vegeta will be happy to continue. Let's see what's next. Ah yes here we are. 3 Bakayaro Brats and the Bigger Badder Vegeta. I'm sure you can't wait so I'll get to work.  
  
  
I have chosen to advertize the following 3 fics. If you're looking for a humourous read this is where it's at:  
  
  
Frozenflower's Bring Your Father to School Day: Revived  
  
If you like Gohan torture, well this is the best there is. So I reccomend you give it a read. Guess which student isn't too happy to bring daddy to school, especially when the rest of the gang shows up.  
  
  
  
CCS AnGeLOO's The Misadventures of Videl and Gohan  
  
How does Videl deal with life with Gohan's family, especially when she's stuck watching the twin terrors Goten and Trunks, or the time that Gohan got drunkand accused her of having an affair with Vegeta. Oh well it just doesn't get much funnier and by the way. I got the idea for this fic from some stories of Vegeta's in the second chapter, so if you like this give it a read.  
  
  
Kami's HERCULEan Days  
  
  
Shhhhhh! Don't tell anyone this one's by me! What !?! They already no! Damnit! Well I guess shameless self advertizement never hurt anyone and I can guarantee that if you have enjoyed this fic so far then you'll love this one.  
  
  
4 year old Chibi Gohan with tears brimming in his eyes: Pleeeeease read, or else I'll cry and if you don't well you better atleast review this one, or else I'll get mad and you don't wanna see me mad. I'll also tell my daddy and he's the strongest in the whole tire world, so you better leave a review! 


	4. 3 Bakayaro Brats and The Bigger Badder V...

Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ.  
  
  
  
  
3 Bakayaro Brats and The Bigger Badder Vegeta  
  
  
  
  
"Vegeta!" Bulma screamed at her Saiyajin husband, both anger and exhaustion apparent within her bloodshot eyes. "What have I told you about using the gravity room at night and ughhh! I thought I told you to put those 2 to bed! Darn you! Your hopeless," and with that Bulma fiercly stalked out of the GR, exasperation apparent in her voice, as she went into her and Veggeta's room, not looking forward to going to bed alone one bit.  
  
"Ignore her brats," Vegeta said as soon as Bulma was out of earshot. "Now that you've had your fun, it's time for another story, so just sit down right here and listen."  
  
"But Mr. Vegeta," Goten began uncertainly, "You told us that we had to train. I thought it was a punishment."  
  
"Training is never a punishment brat! Now shut up and listen! Training is a reward and I have a story for you 2 brats to show you just how important training is. It is called The 3 Bakayaro Brats and The Bigger Badder Vegeta."  
  
  
  
  
Once upon there were 3 little brats who never trained and lived with their black haired harpy of a mother. A long time ago they'd trained, but a few years ago the harpy had decided to make them study. Though they'd fought valiantly against her evil plans, she eventually defeated them with the help of Bulma the Blue Haired Wench. A few years later, the 3 brats went off to live on their own at the 2 hags demands and with their P.H.D's went out to live on their own.  
  
The first one's name was Goten, the 3rd class bakayaro and he used his knowledge to build a machine that could make infinite amounts of food in a split second.  
  
  
  
  
"Hey Trunks! That guys name is the same as mine!" Goten said, a big Son grin plastered across his face.  
  
"No duh," Trunks replied, rolling his eyes. "I can't believe how stu-"  
  
"Silence brats!" Vegeta screamed, flaring to Super Saiyajin. "I'm not done yet, so just shut up and listen, or else I'll send you both on a one way trip to Otherworld via Big Bang Express! Got it !?!"  
  
Meekly shaking their heads, the so-called twin terrors cowered at the sight of Vegeta's Super Saiyajin form, praying to Kami for dear life. Unfortunately for them, Kami was currently taking a nap. After all, even teenage Gods need to sleep sometime.  
  
  
  
  
So then... After a while, a sligh, yet powerful. Short, yet incredibly handsome and uneducated, yet brilliant Prince, as well as the unchallenged ruler of the the entire universe, Saiyajin warrior decided to go to Goten's house, but Goten had been warned by the harpy about talking to strangers, so when Vegeta knocked on the door Goten would not let him in.  
  
Angry at this slight towards him, Vegeta gave him one warning. "Open up, or I'll huff puff and blow you all up!" Though now that he knew what he was dealing with Goten was petrified, he had been prepared for such a situation and decided to use his only hope... The Eternal Dragon.  
  
Summoning up the creatures near infinite power, Goten made his wish. "Eternal Dragon! I wish for Vegeta to go away!"  
  
"Sorry kid," the dragon answered, sweat dropping. "No can do. Not even I'm stupid enough to mess with that guy."  
  
"But I thought you possesed near infinite power!" Goten replied, becoming very worried at his predicament.  
  
"Well you see kid. The thing about near infinite power is it's all relative. Compared to you, or Kakkaroto, or say those hunks of scrap metal Gero created, I'm pretty strong, but me vrs. Vegeta. I'd have no chance at all. See ya in your next lifetime kid," the dragon finished and with that the dragon balls blasted off in all directions, leaving Goten alone and with only one chance for survival. He decided to get on his knees and beg for mercy.  
  
Unfortunately, Vegeta was in a rather bad mood by that point, so he simply blasted the weakling bakayaro into the next dimension.  
  
Next, Vegeta visited Trunks, a now wealthy buisness man. He went up to Trunks' door and knocked, but Trunks' had been given the same foolish instructions, as the other baka Vegeta had met earlier that day and so he chose not to open the door. Again, Vegeta asked sweetly if he could come in. "Open up, or I'll blow you all up," but Trunks' had become a bakayaro idiot from all his time studying, so he didn't open the door and was quickly blown up.  
  
Finally, the last of the brats was visited by our hero, Vegeta. Vegeta once again knocked on the door lightly and asked in his most reasonable voice, "Open the H.F.I.L, or you'll be lucky to only get blown to Kingdom Come, you baka!" But, as usual, the bakayaro idiot, whose name just happened to be Gohan by the way, was to foolish from all the time he'd spent doing weak studying crap, only fit for weakling, bakayaro humans, to heed Vegeta's perfectly reasonable advisory. Remembering how strong he'd been a few years ago, before he'd started studying like a baka, decided to fight Vegeta. Calling on his full power, Gohan ascended to an incredible level of power, which because he was such a bakayaro weakling from all the weak human crap, was too much for his body and it blew itself up and everyone who trained lived happily ever after. The End.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Next Time on Veggie Tales: Vegeta tells the final fairy tale, though not his last story, by far and Goten is sent home after his and Goten's sleepover, but what's this !?! He's decided to start talking like Vegeta and oh ya! I will be taking suggestions as to what the last fairy tale should be, so if you've got a suggestion, leave a review saying what it is. Next Time on Veggie Tales!  
  
  
  
  
P.S. Sorry about the long wait between chapters, but what can you do? 


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